Songwriting without a safety net

I am forever helping others finish their own music, I support students everyday to write lyrics, melodies, harmonies, rhythms and encourage bringing life to the music that they want to create. I have worked with many bands were I am happy to contribute ideas and write collaboratively and have loved the process (although often feeling a little unfulfilled) I have helped poets turn their art into music and supported songwriters in arranging their music but for some reason I can’t seem to finish my own music projects?

And I think I have finally figured out why! I have often pigeonholed myself into the category of being a guitarist, a supporting role, a cog in a machine. People have frequently called me an ‘enabler’ helping others shine brightly and to realise their potential, and to be honest that feels great if it wasn’t for the fact I can’t enable myself to do the things I want.

It boils down to my insecurities as a musician, and perhaps more broadly as a person. I know no one wants to put themselves out there for fear of someones disapproval or judgement and that’s one of the things thats been stopping me. I have hard drives full of unfinished projects that I convince myself needs someone else’s vocals/lyrics, or that the guitar part sucks and I cant possibly put that out because my guitar buddies will see through my crap playing, or the thought that my music won’t be interpreted the way I intended becomes too crippling to push through.

I have started the process of trying to address my habitual ‘backing out’ and ‘putting off’ by throwing myself into new experiences such as beginning vocal lessons (this is WAY out of my comfort zone), singing in a choir, learning some jazz guitar, composing using piano, writing my own lyrics and melodies and actually recording/using them.

This whole process has been spurred on by a recent trip away, where I stayed and studied at a music conservatoire ‘Trinity College Laban’ and worked with an AMAZING group of like minded musicians who all had their own insecurities despite their obvious unique musical talents. We all pushed ourselves so far outside our specialisms and left our comfort zones in the dust! we supported each other in situations that could have been crushing to our fragile musician egos and you know what, I think in that one week I grew more as a musician (and person) than I have in years.

Which leads me to this project, I created this website/blog/podcast as a way of sharing my own struggles with music and as a way of celebrating the struggle! because we are all struggling in our own ways, and maybe by me sharing my own journey it can help others to overcome their own challenges whilst in the process make me more accountable for my own musical development.

CELEBRATE THE STRUGGLE AND LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!